Five Golden Rules for a Broken Heart

Note to Self - Faye Armstrong
Note to Self – Faye Armstrong

Do you remember being at your junior high dances, where there was always a broken-hearted girl crying in the bathroom because Dimitri wouldn’t dance to “Truly Madly Deeply” with her? Do you remember experiencing that same first heartbreak yourself? The disappointment; feeling like you love and hate the object of your affection all at once…
Do you remember your last heartbreak? No matter how many times you go through it, it doesn’t seem to get much easier when it happens again. If you’re going though a breakup, bust out the Ben & Jerry’s and arm yourself with these tips to help you heal your heart and come out on top.
Give yourself space
I know you have like three drafts of unsent text messages on your phone, and that you’ve been creeping her social media feeds all weekend (who is that dude photobombing her Instagram pic?). STOP. She might have suggested that you stay friends, and maybe one day you will be, but before that happens, you’re going to need a clean break so that you can truly move on.
And even if you aren’t ready to move on and are hoping that you might get another shot, having some time away from each other can give you both new perspectives on the situation.
Evaluate
It takes two to tango, Baby. Chances are, the love of your life did a few things to contribute to the demise of your relationship, and chances are, so did you. Nobody’s perfect.
Don’t sit there and blame yourself for the “coulda woulda shouldas,” but do consider how you might do things differently next time around.
Did you give up all your free time for your honey, sacrificing time with friends or on your own personal interests? Or maybe you insisted on demonstrating your affection with gifts when what Sweet Cheeks really needed was to hear you express your feelings verbally (on a side note: Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages” has some great insight on this subject. A must-read!).
Whatever it may be, use this as an opportunity to reflect on where you can improve and take this time to work toward your own personal growth.
Don’t lower yourself
Don’t beg anyone to be in your life, and don’t put yourself in a position that you’d rather not be in – or do something you don’t want to do just to get someone back. Yes, relationships take work and sacrifice at times, but it should never be at the expense of your own self-worth.
You teach people how to treat you. If you want respect, respect yourself.
Throw a pity party
Call your friends, open a bottle of wine, and cue the ice cream and sappy movies. Do what you gotta do. You feel sad and that’s OK. Let yourself be sad, mad, frustrated, disappointed – whatever you feel.
You don’t have to put on a happy face when you’ve been up all night crying, and it’s important to work through those feelings so that you can move forward (just don’t go all Carrie Underwood on his car or anything). With that being said…
Don’t be defined by your sadness
You might be experiencing sadness, but that doesn’t mean you are a sad person. Having the emotional capacity to feel heartbreak demonstrates that you also have the emotional capacity to love wholeheartedly – and you will again!
Let’s go back to that junior high dance. Remember how you felt like it was the end of the world and you were never going to feel the same again? I have a feeling those girls got over Dimitri, and that you survived some heartbreaks that you thought you couldn’t.
You may have even later realized that you dodged a few bullets when things didn’t go how you wanted them to at the time. Take things day by day and trust that your heart will feel whole again.
Faye Armstrong is a life coach based in Winnipeg who is passionate about living life to the fullest and helping others to do the same. For a little motivation or to learn more about personal coaching, visit http://www.fayeaarmstrong.com.

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