I often doubt that I’ll find someone who can I spend my life with who will never cheat on me. My insecurities stem from the infidelity within my parents’ marriage, to the infidelity of my own relationships on behalf of the only few people I have ever truly loved. I could argue that I date the wrong guys, but falling in love with cruel men is a whole different column in itself. The idea of monogamy is to most people, ideal and desirable for a relationship, not to mention non-negotiable. As much as I doubt its potential, it still remains a goal of mine too, however unrealistic it may be,
and it is.
The number of mammals that mate for life is a mere 3 to 5 per cent, and according to experts, virtually all animals, this 3 to 5 per cent included, are incapable of being 100% monogamous 100% of the time. Humans are motivated to reproduce, and like animals, it’s not always with the same partner. To me it seems just a little self-absorbed to want to spread your seed all over the place, but that’s science stuff I am so unqualified to delve into.
Aside from our motivation to reproduce, the desire we have to want to have sex is immeasurable—it feels good, and it’s good for you, so why not have it as much as you can?
I am all for monogamy, but it is limiting to a person’s sex life, there’s no denying that. Couples who once frequented the bedroom twice a day everyday slowly stop having it as much, and when you’re married with kids and responsibilities and a hectic schedule, it only gets scarcer. On top of having a busy schedule and little time to do it, sex with the same person for all those years tends to lose its excitement. We are humans, with an attention span of less than eight seconds; it’s amazing we can be with one person for five, ten, twenty, fifty years when we can barely get through a two-minute YouTube video without getting bored.
Interestingly enough, in France, people go into marriage just as many people do: with hopes of being faithful throughout their marriage.
However, if one partner does have an affair, the other partner will accept it as something that can happen over the course of a long marriage. If that isn’t generous enough, in Finland, sex is considered a positive experience, and if the opportunity for sex arises, one should take it. Very generous.
These are perceptions that I don’t think many people would be ready for, or likely to warm up to; after all, they go against the core values of relationships and marriage. The good news is: monogamy is not impossible. It takes work like any skill we learn to do, so if you make an effort to be monogamous, you can be monogamous. When in doubt, look to the gibbon apes for inspiration, they are among the most monogamous mammals on earth and most similar to humans!
That’s got to mean something, and if not, they are still cute to look at.