It’s Going Down, I’m Yelling Tinder!

What’s the story, Dorie? – by Lindsey Dorie

What is it about Tinder? I’ve asked myself that while watching friends swipe through dozens of people, almost as if on auto-pilot. Everyone is auditioning with their best photo in hopes of being right-swiped—the ultimate approval of one’s physical attractiveness. You can’t seriously believe that your 100-word profile highlighting your hobbies and favorite foods is what made your pursuer hit the checkmark button, no; it was most likely the cleavage pic that peaked their interest most. How do I know this? Because I’ve had the honor of listening to the comments of those who have graciously selected you as a potential person who they would like to stick their…you get the picture.

Naturally I needed to try it out for myself, just not in Winnipeg. So, this past summer, while sitting at a bar in Kelowna with my friend, an experienced Tinder and Grinder user, I got the app I said I’d never get. I sipped my double gin and tonic as I carefully selected a few photos that didn’t send across the “Netflix and chill” message, and we aggressively swiped through dozens of dudes and bickered over what way we were swiping them. While browsing through the library of Kelowna-faced-boys, I realized how popular shirtless photos were—these are the ones we bickered about. Though I can appreciate the hard work you put into that broccoli eating, caramel tanned, chiselled-ab body of yours, my guess is that if you’re leading with your looks, it’s probably because your personality sucks. Left swipe.

I woke up to messages from a few guys, and I spent a lot of my day responding to them, which was annoying yet addicting. I came to see why people like Tinder so much: the attention is overwhelming. It was weird to have so many strangers interested in me, and yet I knew why most of them were. I had plastered my face on an app responsible for many of the one-night stands that have occurred, and yet I wondered if there was a chance I could simply just get to know someone, who had a genuine interest in getting to know me. Have you ever had a conversation with someone who has asked you what you do for a living more than twice, and you start to wonder if they’re listening to you at all? The upside of Tinder is that if you’ve asked someone something, and forget the answer, you can just scroll up in the conversation and find the information you’re looking for. The bad part, it’s twice as insulting when someone has that information at their finger tips yet continue to re-ask the same questions. I had one guy ask me three times what I was studying in school, which is when I realized I was probably one of five girls he was messaging at that moment. Un-match.

I really had no business being on Tinder with such high expectations; however I continued my efforts because as shallow as it was, it was really entertaining. When I arrived at the airport for my return flight to Winnipeg, I deleted my profile, with a hint of sadness, but with much relief that my face couldn’t be judged anymore. I can’t bash the app, for some couples have formed from it, and others have experienced great nights of mutual, emotionless fun. I applaud those who are brave enough to endure the scrutiny of people’s visual standards, I think though, for me, I’ll rely on meeting people the old fashioned way: off the internet.

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